Encountering ‘Bullies’ 

Jyoti K. Singh 
New Delhi, June 01: A child being bullied by someone is not that simple a phenomenon as it appears to be. And what makes it even complex is that neither the parents nor the schools take it seriously. This is mainly because most of us consider bullying as quite a “normal” thing.  

In normal circumstances, bullying in school or college hardly poses a warning threat. But special children are the ones who get adversely affected by this process the most for these children serve as the easiest targets for school bullies. What makes the situation even worse is that such children start treating their victimization as justified owing to their loneliness. And that results in negative impacts on the physical and mental health of these children that may result in poor academic performance as well. In some cases, the after-effects have been observed even years later than the actual bullying incident.  

A Bully is……….. 
Now, the million-dollar question here is who can be termed as a bully and what does bullying actually mean? Children, who act, as bullies are generally the ones, who do not have a fully developed internal restraint system, like their peer group. As a result, male bullies are inclined towards physical aggression whereas their female counterparts have a propensity to wallop at the friendships or the social relationships of a victim.  

When do the bullying traits appear? 
Most of the children develop a bullying attitude or an aggressive behavioral pattern at an early age. This is then continued as a coercion pattern for many years.

Dr. Dan Olweus, one of the most renowned Norwegian psychologists, who forged study on bullying and preventive measures, suggested the following three things as basic bullying elements. He suggested that bullying involves:  

1. A prototype of antagonistic behavior,
2. A powerful child directed towards a weaker one, and
3. A harmful intention
   

Who become easy targets? 
Bullies normally choose their targets after certain speculation. Till the age of seven years, they pick on anyone to everyone. But thereon, as the age advances, the bullies become very target specific and pick up susceptible, wary, and quiet kids who are more anxious. Such kids naturally display a depressing view of violence and tend to withdraw from altercations of any kind. They even start crying when threatened or harassed.  They would even seem to be quite gripped with fear when confronted.  
 
Results of Bullying
Being bullied may result in a constant feeling of anxiousness that may further increase the victim’s susceptibility to additional pressures. This seems rather more sensible for anxious kids who are commonly singled out by the bullies. This results in a sudden discomfort, which becomes the common reason of rejection of these victims by their own peers thereby resulting in an increased isolation and loneliness.   

Various research reports also show that social isolation and denunciation cause rigorous stress. The children who are bullied naturally depict traits of poor health, seclusion, despair, nervousness and poor learning. In some cases, the kids being bullied have been observed dreading school and incur stress-induced illnesses like headaches. Another alarming fact here is that even after the bullying gets over, the bullied over kids still remain prone to depression.   

What can Encounter Bullies
A bully can be encountered in a number of ways. Right from ignoring a bully to blocking an attack and from seeking friendly children to playing constructive games, do help in encountering a bully properly. Moreover, children require problem-solving opportunities for themselves as well. The parents must avoid being over-protective to keep the critical problem-solving skills of a child intact. Similarly, being overly strict may also cast an adverse effect thereby limiting the chances of learning for a child. This also hampers the interaction spirits of a child along with curbing an internal zeal for dealing with disagreements and conflict.

Therefore, the parents must take care of the above-mentioned points so that the child gets plethora of opportunities for developing his/her competencies. Getting the child enrolled into activity groups resulting in a valued peer group can even help greatly in this.

Talking to your children or siblings about how their peers treat them is also a good idea. Also inculcate a sense of deep self-confidence in them along with teaching them assertive behavior. Verbal comebacks and not abusive attacks can also prove to be of great help.

Last but not the least is acting as a good social engineer that can be done by inviting other children to your house for get together parties an so on. This would foster deeper bonding and children would start tackling bullies in groups than individuals, answering the bullies in the best manner possible.